A Dom

Who is a dom and how is he created ? Is there something to strive for in the beginning? Some basic principles that allow us to identify ourselves and to which side of the whip we belong?

Dom in the sense of dominant, that is dominating his surroundings and himself

Master in the sense of an expert in his field

Maybe it’s true, maybe not

So who is the dom who was born to dominate? Is there even such a thing?

Is it personality?

Is it a choice?

Are there identifying markers and if so what are they?

Is it a sexual awakening?

Maybe there isn’t a perfect dom? Or is there?

After all, dominance has so many shades. Like a law student chooses to specialize so does the dom, who chooses what he can be good at.

Our lives are built on points of view. That’s the most important element that allows us to make peace with our decisions. Just like getting hurt and feeling things allows us to choose people, surroundings, and places, and also what to know and what not.

Point of views are a set of tools that we acquire from the environment: parents, friends, movies, articles or books and more.

For example, being vegan is a point of view

So maybe it is possible that this is a point of view on a process that reflects our sexual personality, that is formed as you get exposed to more sexual information and you become more self-aware. The more experiences you have, your sexual consciousness and personality forms and broadens.

And it can be expressed in many shapes and forms based on the worlds you’ve been exposed to as well as your personal experiences.

Your daily personality usually is not related to which side of the whip you find yourself on, whether you’re assertive, dominant, and tough. Or impulsive and sensitive.

There are male and female subs that are very dominant and alpha in their daily life.

The easiest way to explain it is choice. We all can choose the place that is best for us, the most satisfying and enriching space.

The place that awakens in us sexuality and passion, in an honest and introspective way, will help us become whole and comfortable in our skin.

There’s a range of doms, some come from a lack of something in their lives, just like some subs come from a background of sexual assault. Some doms come from an assault on their sexual confidence, some come from a place of using their strengths in a sexual way. Does it really matter? There isn’t an exact science to it.

So it’s actually just a choice, a preference for the side where you can really enjoy yourself, feel empowered and maybe even be yourself, who you really are. They’ve always taught us to separate the sexual world and the personal world. Sex is one thing and life is another. And in sex, you choose to feel free, true to yourself. To be whole, not perfect. It might be a corny sentence but it is right for any perspective.

Meeting someone is like putting together a puzzle. There isn’t one profile of a dom that will help us choose. We choose the person that fits us. The mistake is going for the character of dom and sub. At the end of the day, we’re human beings before and above everything else.

It’s easiest, in a virtual world and in our country that likes to label everything to simplify, to see everyone as a character. Wear a mask or a cloak, get into character and dominate. It’s a mistake to see the dom or sub as characters. It’s not like that and there is no character that you can become and then all of a sudden be a dom. There is no career of being a dom such that if you fit the role you’ll be perfect for the job.

Just like there isn’t one bdsm. You just need to be you and pour yourself into this sexual world. There are many different types of options for domination, sexual expression and personality. For example, I can’t understand how a dom enjoys bondage, as a true art form; I love touch and touching with my hands is a must for me.

It’s like I can’t understand how a Christian remains a Christian after coming in contact with Judaism or how there isn’t world peace (points of view).

And others don’t understand the different sides of other people but you can choose what is good for you and focus on that, based on accepted norms.

And of course everything hinges on who we meet along the way and what awakens within you the burning desire to be and what to be. Stories, people, mentors and more help us choose what’s right for us. Every person is a type of mentor, to himself and others. Every meeting with someone different from us beings us closer to new discoveries.

Let’s talk about ego and perfection.

After all, we all make mistakes and need to learn from them and then move on. There are no wrong turns, just paths we didn’t take. Everything is in front of our eyes, we just didn’t want or know to look. So we need to learn from mistakes and also forgive in order to move on.

So a dom in my eyes

Being good human beings is the main part. Don’t hurt another. Look at everyone as humans before you define them. Feel, get excited and enjoy yourself and others.

By Eli Dom